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one more step and you die
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[15 Jan 2008|12:17am] |
I've hit a point in my life where i've become so miserable that i find it necessary to post a livejournal entry about it. It seems as though nothing ever tends to roll my way. No matter how indifferent i may seem to be, i think it's actually taking a serious toll on me.
tonight my stepfather and I came to fisticuffs because i left the basement door open while venturing upstairs to take care of my sugar levels (ah, diabetes). Instead of acting like a normal human being about it, he decided to take it out on my mother and I because apparently the electricity bill came in and it cost him $600. granted, this is an old house and it's drafty and having electric heat doesn't help any, but my leaving a door open is not directly responsible for the energy misuse in this household. first of all, i sleep until 4pm every day, and when i wake up i make sure to get the hell out of here. recently i haven't been able to do so because i don't have any money left, but that's besides the point. The high bills are my responsibility even though i am rarely here and use minimal resources while home. meanwhile, his plasma television runs 20 out of every 24 hours a day, he keeps lights on so that he doesn't fall while traveling throughout the house at night (he only has one leg), and he runs the heat/ac every day of the year. it is no surprise to me that when they go on vacation the bills always seem to be a little on the light side, but that doesn't mean anything to him. furthermore, he says that i owe him my life because he took me into his house and pays for me to live here even though he shouldn't. look, i am a college student who needs financial assistance. It's either graduate at the end of this semester with little to no debt, or take out a large sum in loans and never truly live free of financial burden. obviously, i chose the former option.
i have run out of options in this house and i need somewhere to go, but i just don't know how to get started. i don't have a job because i'm taking 18 credits so that i can graduate on time and i don't have the means to remove myself from this environment. i've literally come to my wits end at a meager 21 years of age and i don't know how to deal with this situation.
i figured writing would help a little, but it only reinforced the fact that i need to learn how to do a lot of shit really quickly.
i wish i had answers.
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| i quit my job so i can read more. |
[03 Sep 2007|11:23pm] |
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music |
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godspeed you! black emperor |
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school, school, school. two more semesters and i will have a hundred thousand dollar piece of paper.
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| update? |
[25 Feb 2007|12:32am] |
i love days in which i am able to successfully download a fucking shit-ton of music. the list is as follows:
the entire Specials discography
the entire P.Funk discography
marnie stern's new album
the boredoms discography (!!!!)
AND a bunch of Sub Pop stuff such as:
the shins' Wincing the Night Away
oxford collapse discography
band of horses discography
in other news, michael e. found some pretty bizarre shit today regarding network hijacking. all the videos can be found here: http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog&Mytoken=52A36490-13DB-4363-B6D0515BC063D00D26382172
that shit is fucked up!
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| socratic method. |
[07 Feb 2007|12:18am] |
hello, livejournal. how are you? i've been okay lately. school is going and i don't know if it's good or bad. work is progressing--i'm getting paid a lot more and i don't know if it's going to be good or bad. girl trouble is continuing and i don't know if that's good or bad. my health has been terrible lately, and i'm certain that is bad.
i drink five to six days a week. i need to stop immediately.
three things rehmann's are good at: driving, selling, and drinking. things that rehmann's are bad at: moderation, honesty, women.
all of my life i have been great with women, and for the first time i am concerned that i am as big of a shithead as my father was. i have managed to ruin anything good that has come into my life and i am completely apathetic. is that a new trait of the next generation of rehmann's? completely and total apathy toward everything? god, i fucking hope not. i don't want to be responsible for that. ha, responsibility. all of this time i thought that i had a terribly hard life. i work full time, go to school full time, never sleep. it's been this way since i returned from penn state. i know i'm getting more intelligent while going to school. i can see it in my everyday conversations/arguments/thinking/questioning. but even though i am aware of my cognitive abilities, i see no need to put effort into anything i do. i don't try when i sell people twenty thousand dollars worth of media that will eventually lead to a gaping void of laziness and obesity. i don't try when i write papers the day before they are due and receive A's on them. are the hard things in life supposed to be this easy? and are the easy things in life supposed to be this hard? i think i have it all ass-backward. i have come to the conclusion that there are no answers in life, only questions that lead us down a spiral staircase of more questions.
this year is already one month gone and i haven't even woken up yet. what the fuck.
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| wednesday is the new friday. |
[15 Nov 2006|03:48pm] |
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music |
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Three 6 Mafia - side 2 side |
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party last night and, i don't know--it was kind of all right and at the same time really beat. hardcore kids, crying emo kids, gang members linked with the crypts. jesus. where do these people come from? and how are they getting intertwined with my life? i saw a lot of old friends that i would like to continue hanging out with on a regular basis, but seeing them reminded me of how busy i always am (or seem to be). watching leprechaun 4 (in space!) last night and drinking some beer with mccarthy, fran, marko, and KP was way tight, too bad it was ruined by "WE SCREAM ALONG WITH SONGS THAT ARE TERRIBLE" kids. i forget his name, but when i asked if he could turn the shit that they were listening to off, he challenged angrily to "PUT SOMETHING BETTER ON!" and then got mad when i said "that's easy!" and christmas songs were put on. i love pissing people off.
in other news, family life grows more and more uncomfortable each day. i really want to just get the fuck out of here, but i know i am saying that in vain. i have no money, too many bills, and a lack of priorities which prevents me from living the way i want to. this summer i am supposed to be going to japan for two months to study abroad, but i don't know how i am going to afford it. my parents don't help me out with a dime, even though they have a shit ton of money to lend my brother in getting a new house. i don't know. when i think about it, i realize that it's been the same for all of my siblings. my sister got knocked up and got the boot from the house, my brother went to college and my mom moved into a two bedroom apartment with my step dad essentially getting the boot from my house, and yet they still hang on to me. i know it's because they need me around because they're both handicapped, but that can't continue. i've wasted most of my college life on these two people who A) don't appreciate me and B) don't help me out in turn. bullshit.
school has been okay this semester. i have been spending my time reinventing the term procrastination. papers are getting handed in two weeks late, homework simply isn't getting done, i'm skipping class almost as much as i did when i was up at university park, and i could care less. school might not be what i want right now, but if i continue to get A's while not doing anything, i'm not leaving.
work has changed a lot since my last couple of posts. the people there are really good guys/gals. i like being there. i don't know, i'd rather be there than at home. oh well. here's to long posts after three months of silence!
-rick.
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[04 Oct 2006|11:20pm] |
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my MP3 player broke.
my TV On The Radio tickets came in the mail.
i bite my nails far too much.
i want to move to japan.
i hate school.
i hate work.
i love everything.
what am i doing here?
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| annoying day. |
[06 Sep 2006|11:37am] |
i wake up at 9:30 because i like to wake up an hour before class starts, okay? turns out my first class started at 10. whatever. i rush out of the house and somehow get to campus at quarter to ten. however, penn state abington way overbooked the freshman class by 600 students this year so there is nowhere to park. i end up parking about two miles away in a target parking lot only to walk into my scheduled class at 10:45. no one was there, i can't find the teacher so i can get the syllabus. fuck. i went back to my car and turned it on and the "service engine soon" light came on. and now i'm sitting in the computer lab doing nothing until 2:30. i'm pissed off.
edit: shortly after this post i broke my pinky playing basketball. today rules.
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| fucking rolling stone. |
[19 Aug 2006|12:05pm] |
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as i have posted before, i was interviewed by rolling stone magazine in regard as to what i was wearing the night of sleater-kinney's third to last show they are ever going to play. i was really upset about this because i thought it should have been more about how the band has affected me and shit like that, you know? either way, the story didn't get printed in the magazine. tight right? not so much. i got a call yesterday from one "Rachel" who represented rolling stone and she wanted to know if she could ask me a few questions about the show and what i'm listening to now and so on. i though this was a way better angle to take than the idiotic "what are you wearing?" routine. needless to say i was willing to cooperate. i was asked my age, what i have been listening to recently, what were my thoughts on the show, and where i was from. all right, awesome. now we're getting somewhere, rolling stone. oh wait, your magazine only writes what the editors think will sell. please misquote everything i said. it's okay, really.
the article: http://www.rollingstone.com/news/story/11202718/an_onlineonly_gallery_of_styles_from_one_of_sleater_kinneys_final_shows/6
as i have said earlier, she asked "what are you listening to recently?" not, "what are your favorite bands?" i mean, i'm not upset about mono or explosions in the sky, but the arcade fire have just been revived in my spinning record order. whatever, no big deal i guess. however, i am quoted as saying "I've never felt closer to perfect strangers." what the fuck? i never fucking said that. motherfuck. what i actually said is, "the show was unreal. i have never felt closer to people i didn't know in my entire life." thanks, rolling stone, now the entire world knows about me and cousin balki. fuck you. to top it all off, they left the "what are you wearing" part in. ugh.
in other news, i hate work. i work with a group of unreliable dickheads who call out twice a week on average, and since i'm the new guy they try to take advantage of me by making me come in. i was scheduled off tuesday, wednesday, and thursday. i worked all of those days. my last day off was saturday, and my next day off is monday. i'm already in overtime and i'm scheduled to work another eight hours today. whatever.
snakes on a plane is everything that i had imagined it would be. the scenes they re-shot to make the movie more ridiculous were fantastic. i couldn't have asked for a better way to spend a now six hours of my life than in a movie theater watching that movie.
rick.
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| blah |
[10 Aug 2006|11:13pm] |
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i've been down the shore a lot this past week in between shifts at best buy. it's been good to get away for a while and hang out at the ocean. work has been pretty tight so far. i've sold over $50,000 worth of TVs and audio equipment in my first three days. if i was making some sort of percentage in commission i would be the happiest dude alive. instead i'm just blindly helping another corporation thrive while i make little in comparison to how much work i do. my managers all like how experienced i am in sales and shit so i'm treated well, and all of the people i work with are all right. it's not that bad of a bad set up, i guess.
i've been skateboarding a lot recently and love it. it feels good to get out and exercise a bit. i haven't done that in a while. anyone who skates and wishes my company in doing so let me know.
finally, i really want a ton of tattoos all of a sudden. i have so many ideas for where certain pieces would go. i really want to get started. i will get my first one as soon as i find a place that i'm comfortable with. i'm sticking with a plus and minus on my wrists for the first tattoos, then i think i'm going to get a sleeve on my leg of something to do with zombies. i have other plans, but i want to solidify my first two before getting ahead of myself. whatever. get at me!
rick.
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| ghetto musack |
[05 Aug 2006|07:20pm] |
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music |
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my bloody valentine |
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i've been on a downloading spree. today's haul:
outkast - speakerboxxx/the love below
the rogers sisters - three fingers
slim thug - already platinum
my bloody valentine - isn't anything
my bloody valentine - loveless
radiohead - pablo honey
so what's going on in everyone else's life. i want to hear something good!
rick.
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| home |
[05 Aug 2006|12:32pm] |
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music |
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saul williams |
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okay, so the shore with the family was pretty tight. i went to the beach and collected a lot of burnt skin, which was fun. the ocean was a bit too cold for some reason, but the place we stayed at had a small pool that felt like a bath tub, so i dug on that most of the time. i've thrown some crazy parties while my parents have been away. one of which being michael e's going away party. oh man. anyway, i'm back and i start work tomorrow at 7AM, so i'm going to be pretty bored for the last half of my summer. send me some messages or get at me on IM: of great faults. later on.
rick.
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| VAY-KAY
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[01 Aug 2006|11:45am] |
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music |
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the rogers sisters |
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all right. i'm going down the shore for a few days. i will be back on thursday, so until then leave me some love because i sure as hell need it.
rick.
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| sleater-kinney |
[01 Aug 2006|01:39am] |
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music |
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sleater-kinney |
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tonight michael e and myself went to see sleater-kinney. we purchased our tickets three months ago so i guess everything that has happened this summer was just a culmination of events leading up to this show. i have never had my face rocked off so hard in my entire life. mike and myself were holding each other up arm in arm to keep from hitting the ground. there were about 1500 packed into a pretty tiny venue, all screaming and shaking frantically as corin, carrie, and janet played and played and played. they were on for almost two hours and the set consisted of about 20 songs. the venue had to have been close to 110 degrees inside seeing that everyone was dripping with sweat and were left barely able to walk when all was said and done. i have pictures of the dream-boos that are s-k, but i won't be posting them just yet. expect them soon!
rick.
edit: i completely forgot! Rolling Stone magazine was there taking pictures of mike and myself and asking us questions. not about the type of music we were into or about sleater-kinney and why we were there, but about the fucking clothes we were wearing. i answered the questions, allowed some pictures to be taken, and then openly made fun of the idea of their project right in front of them. if i make the article, not only will i look like a douche, i will BE the douche who is quoted as saying "it doesn't matter what clothes you're wearing, it's all about the music." way to go, me. as true as the statement is, i have fallen into their trap. fucking rolling stone. ugh.
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| s'all grood. |
[31 Jul 2006|12:26am] |
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music |
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explosions in the sky |
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what's happening?
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| so whatcha want |
[28 Jul 2006|02:57pm] |
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music |
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explosions in the sky |
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week of endless drunkenness and debauchery. new friends from new places and social groups. 3AM skinny dippings, 4AM fajitas, 5AM pass outs. fucked up something big, trying to move on. first time being single in two plus years. the rain isn't letting up and my basement looks like it's becoming a wade pool. inconsistencies in keeping in touch with people i was hoping to see a lot of this summer has become an all too familiar occurrence. the sound of thunder just shook my house.
I applied at best buy on monday because i didn't know where else i could work. later on that day i received a call from my moms telling me that i had an interview on tuesday. i guess my application was impressive? whatever. i went to the interview and was smooth as shit. they had no choice but to offer me a jay oh bee. thing was, i needed to take a drug test and stupid me hadn't been following the rules too well this past week. i drank an entire case of water and upward of 20 glasses of tap water in the span of 36 hours. i purchased a home drug test for marijuana and passed. then yesterday i went to the lab to test. i hope that 99.9% accuracy lives up to it's advertising, but with my luck as of late i'll slide into that .01%.
i've been bummed out and don't feel too comfortable being around other people. i hate this shit because i haven't felt this way since high school. man, high school sucked. either way, someone help me out of this rut!
rick.
edit: it's raining.
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| that's what i said. |
[23 Jul 2006|05:50am] |
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mood |
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 drunk |
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music |
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the velvet fucking underground |
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i'm tight as shit.
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[22 Jul 2006|10:24am] |
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leave it to the day that i stay up until 6AM watching hustle and flow to be the day that i can't sleep any later than 10AM. i make no fucking sense.
what's up?
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